Eff a Pony, I Want a Pegasus for My Birthday!: Cut and Paste Biology

People love their fantasies. Since the dawn of man people have told stories about completely fictional creatures and pretended they were real. There is an entire field of “scientific” study by “scientists” called cryptozoology that focuses on these creatures. Now I’m not talking about aliens, or vampires, or werewolves; that would be ridiculous. I’m talking about yetis, chupacabras, or the Lizard Man of Scape Ore Swamp. Things that can, within the realm of “reason”, exist.

But what if we didn’t have to find them? What if we could make them and then slyly place them in the woods of South Carolina and claim victory? The newish field of synthetic biology (which J. Craig Venter of the J. Craig Venter Institute insists is actually, at the moment, just a branch of molecular biology) is looking to do just that*. In those deep, dark, dingy laboratories of scientists that will eventually be known as evil, they are creating simple life forms from nothing but dust. Right now they’re working on simple bacteria, and viruses (omg viruses, we should all be terrified that one will escape and wipe out mankind!), but in time could be making all the fantastical creatures we hoped for as children.

But first, some explanations are in order. According to this website, the area of study can be defined as “the design and fabrication of biological components and systems that do not already exist in the natural world”. This can also encompass “the re-design and fabrication of existing biological systems”. I can sense what you’re thinking as you’re reading this, because I’m telepathic**. You’re thinking, “Mr. Gusmann, good sir, how can you possibly create a biological component and system that doesn’t already exist in the natural world? To ponder such a possibility would be both blasphemous and ludicrous!”

My answer to that statement would simply be, “Stop talking like you’re from the early 19th century.” However, I would then go on to explain that DNA, the building blocks of any life, is made up of molecules that we know how to make. These molecules are adenine (C5H5N5), guanine (C5H5N5O), thymine (C5H6N2O2), and cytosine (C4H5N3O). We also know how to sequence genomes, and finished up sequencing the human genome earlier this decade. Now adenine, thymine, cytosine, and guanine do an amazing thing when put together - they self-assemble to make a gene. I know, crazy!

So we can make DNA that self-assembles, big deal. What do we put it in? Doesn’t DNA need something to hang out in, like how people need houses (unless they’re homeless)? ‘Tis true, my friend. DNA does need a cell membrane to live in. However, DNA does another amazing thing after it self-assembles, it can also form a primitive cell membrane. If this doesn’t work, well then I suppose we could also put the DNA in another cell’s membrane and watch as it changes the genetic code of the cell. Obviously, as is all things in life, the process is a bit more complicated (and troublesome) than that, but that's the gist of it.

This can lead to a lot of advantages for people, because evolution didn’t give us enough as it is. For example, if we could understand biological design, we can improve it. Imagine a world in which the chair we sit on is made of CO2, or mosquitoes are genetically immune to malaria, or I can have a Minotaur guarding my X-Box 360 when I’m not home. That world would be awesome.

We aren’t even remotely close to any of this right now, and there are a ton of ethical and practical questions that can be brought up. Can we control what we made? What if we can’t? What if this technology gets in the wrong hands? To those who ask those questions I say, “Shut-up. I want my damn Minotaur.” And I want to be able to give at least one of my many illegitimate children a Pegasus for his/her birthday. And I want to see pigs fly. And I want to stop feeling bad when I see cryptozoologist’s panhandling on the street corners for money.

*Not True – At the moment Mr. Venter is focusing on using yeast to help assemble his DNA so he make the first synthetic life.

** Again, Not True – Telepathy isn’t real, nor can it be made real through synthetic biology. However, once we crack the neural code anything can be possible on that front. But that’s an article for another time.

Craig Gusmann doesn't actually have his degree in anything scientific, and probably should not be listened to for anything, ever.